Allow me to be clear in what I say next : While I appreciate the sentiment of those who have supported and use the term to show respect, I find it wholly offensive and dismissive and do not now nor ever have found the term even mildly appropriate.
Yes, I have stepped down and am no longer the active Washington State Ms Leather.
No, you are not able or allowed to take Washington State Ms Leather 2012 away from me. My board didn't do it - didn't see a need or a point to do so, so you sure as hell can't. I will not allow you to do so.
I realize I am beginning this post in an almost rant, but I want to be clear. I am not angry, just disturbed by the flippant disrespect we show our title holders after a year of hard work by simply dismissing them as "used to be's" - we worked hard, godsdamnit and you of our community for whom we worked so hard, for whom we wept and sweat and bled for - you are not allowed to just consider us to be nothing more than a has-been all because we've stepped down. Some of us will, by all rights and for all intents and purposes, vanish at the end of our year and yes, they who do so may even chose to call themselves "wuzzies" but I won't. I disagree with the term and the sentiment it bears.
Running for Washington State was one of the most meaningful things I have done in my lifetime albeit one of the most difficult decisions I ever made to run when I did - and I could not have been rewarded more greatly by the community with advice and support, stories and lessons, love and help and a sense of family far greater than I had ever imagined. Holding the title and working on behalf of my wonderful community has been one of the hardest but most amazing experiences I have ever had and I would not trade a moment of it. Not to be taken lightly, I was both blessed and challenged to share the title year with my DaddySir as my sash-husband but we were granted the opportunity to challenge the opinion that partners can't serve together without it ending poorly for all involved - we had a great year and our relationship is as strong or stronger than before we chose to run and took the titles. It was our honor and joy to provide an example of partners working together for the betterment of the community. Stepping down was hard, not because I felt I deserved more time but because I felt there was still so much to be done. I had ideas, dreams, hopes, plans and goals which I realized I'd still be able to accomplish but would I still be seen as representing the Community I was so proud of - so grateful for - or would it be seen as me seeking to accomplish these things for myself?
It is unbearably difficult - almost heart breaking - when you work and you plan and you simply run out of time, to be instantly dismissed by the people who you were working so hard for. If that is the treatment we give our title holders, do we even deserve them? I don't think that we do, if we so quickly dismiss them as soon as they're not wearing the sash anymore.
So let me say it again: I stepped down, not out.
I am not going anywhere.
I am not finished.
I am not slowing down.
I have work to do, ideas to seed, connections to make, networks to work within and along with. There is never an end to the opportunities available and unlike many who see the title as limelight and attention, I used the title of Washington State Ms Leather 2012 as a business card. It was a foot in the door with groups who don't usually interact with the Leather contingent because we can be a little bit intimidating. Being young, energetic and friendly, it was easy to let them see that the Leather community isn't all about pain and control - we're human and we're people and we like to laugh just as much as the next group.
The title of Washington State Ms Leather 2012 was a fantastic tool and I used it every time I had need of it to help bridge gaps and pave the way; but I do not need it to move forward. Still, that doesn't mean I will let anyone else strip it from me. I am so much more than a four-digit number: I am a person, I am a leather woman, I am a title holder and I am committed to my family, friends and community.
What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that if you discount me then you're going to be blindsided when I go and do what I've already said I'm doing and not stopping. That means representing, educating, organizing; it means progress and challenges, thinking outside the box and sometimes facing obstacles in fabulous shoes with reckless abandon. Having or not having a sash isn't a part of it and frankly, I don't need or want one, what I did during my title year wasn't because I was a title holder, it simply was easier to get off the ground because the title gave me a head start.
Like many other title holders, stepping down is the act of passing the torch to the next figure head for our community; but a figure head needs a neck, a back, arms and legs, a heart and soul and those things don't come from the title holder, they come from the community. So while I am no longer a figure of prominence, it is not time to disappear but merely to shift into a new role and the new role I choose is that of community activist - a proponent and a voice when needed, but more the legs, the arms, the hands and back and heart whenever and wherever needed.
I am Nyx.
I am the punky leather pixie puff.
I am a boot blacking, puppy handling, pony-in-the-making, Goldilocks leather girl.
I am Washington State Ms Leather 2012.
I am an organizer and co-host for OutWest Leather Night.
I am a co-founder and organizer of A Taste of Kink Productions.
I am a co-founder and Secretary of the Board of Northwest Iron Dom, Titanium Sub, Steel-Toed Boot Black contest.
And I am not done yet.
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